Broken By Silence
by Kate Anderson
Summary: She thought she could handle it. Thought she would make it when the going got tough. Grissom/Sara


TITLE: Broken By Silence  
  
AUTHOR: Kate Anderson  
  
RATING: PG  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of CSI or anything related to the show. If I did - I'd be rich.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My apologies if this scenario has already been done. I haven't read much CSI fanfiction, so I'm not sure what's already out there!  
  
  
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"Sara?" 

"I'm out here." came the tired reply. I found her, sitting hunched over on the stoop with a bottle of beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She tapped the cigarette on the cement and watched as the ash floated to the ground. 

She thought she could handle it. Thought she would make it when the going got tough. "Hey," she said, looking up at me with her tired eyes. "Didn't expect to see you around." 

I offered her a small smile and motioned for her to scoot over a bit so I could sit down beside her. "You coming to work tonight?" I asked her, more out of politeness than of really not knowing the answer. Judging by the look in her eyes, that bottle of beer she was holding wasn't her first. 

Sara shook her head, letting her lank hair fly about wildly. "I can't leave him alone tonight, ya know?" 

"He having a bad one today?" 

Sara nodded and stubbed her cigarette out in the dirt that had gathered in a crack. The butt was tossed aside where it joined a pile of others, left to sit on the brown grass. "He's asleep right now." 

I nodded, understanding her devotion to a man who was difficult to love. "We all miss you." I said quietly. "Whenever you can make it, we'll be glad to have you." 

"Thanks Cath." she said softly. "That means a lot, really it does." 

I lifted a hand and gently rubbed her shoulder. I could feel her bones protruding through the worn material of her shirt. She lifted her bottle of beer and took a long swig, swallowing the liquid with an audible gulp. 

"I should get going." I said. Being around here always made me feel distinctly uncomfortable - intruding upon a life that I had never imagined or wished for my friends. 

Sara threw her bottle aside, letting it hit the walk with a loud clank and watched it as it rolled along the cement before coming to stop on the lawn. "Thanks for dropping by." 

"Is there anything you need?" I asked suddenly. 

Sara shook her head. "Nope, we're good." I could tell just from her current appearance that she was lying but Sara was too proud to accept charity. This was her life now and she was going to make it on her own. 

"Well, if you ever need anything, or want someone to sit with Gil for a while - you know my number." 

Sara smiled, the brief gesture lighting up her face. For a moment I was able to see Sara as the vibrant, young woman she had once been. "Thanks Cath." she said again and reached out to hug me. 

A terrible thought crossed my mind as Sara reached out for me. A thought that told me to back away and not to touch her. Ignoring that thought, I wrapped my arms around her thin body and hugged her. 

Sara smiled again as I pulled away from her and straightened my jacket. "Bye Sara." I said and turned away from her. 

As I headed down the walk for my car which was parked on the road, I heard the front door slam as Sara went inside. My head swam with guilt at the thought of not wanting to hug Sara. 

It's been five years now since Sara married Gil and three since he lost his hearing. Their happy life collapsed around them the moment Gil was plunged into a world of silence. 

Sara had known about his condition but claimed she wanted to be with him anyway. She thought she would be strong when the inevitable happened and I guess that in some sense of the word, she was. 

I unlocked the door to my car and slipped inside. Alone, in my sterile world, I closed my eyes and pictured Sara, broken and defeated but not willing to admit it. 

I opened my eyes and took a last look at their small house. The broken shutters, the peeling paint. It's not what Sara wanted. It's not what Gil wanted. But it's what they got. 


End file.
